just as i am

dirty feet-bring it.

2006-04-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

He wants us...all of us...our raw, real selves.
All masks
All pride
All fears
All praise
All doubts
All secret thoughts
All worries
All rejoicing
All heartaches
All pain
All glory
All desires
All searching
All sin
All baggage can be left at the cross He beared...at the feet of Jesus. We don't have to "get it all together" before we come to our Daddy--we bring it to Him...bring it all...drag it there and leave it. We don't have to put on a smile and pretend all is well- we come at our present state.

Before we were born, He knew what trash we would bring to Him and when we would bring it. He knew when we'd be sad and need Him to hold us, He knew when we'd be full of laughter and rejoice with Him.

Life changes...situations change...people change...we change...and the people who we once thought would always be there become only memories- some good, some bad, but all in His brilliant plan. He will never be a memory...He is always new, always fresh, always the same, always there, always waiting, always glorious and always all- knowing. He is eternal.

He is always and He is forever.

lose yourself

2006-02-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.
Love's taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

Lose yourslef and be found.

come away with Me

2006-01-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

sweet sweet child, I want to hold you awhile, come away with Me, I know your troubles, I know your mess, I know the words you can't express, I see your doubts, I know your pain but I am the answer that takes it all away- sweet sweet child I want to hold you awhile- come away with Me

whole heart

2006-01-23T07:08:00.000-08:00

the center of who you are..where dreams and desires grow...a living Gods home-your heart.

Im finding that it's a daily thing, sometimes an hourly thing, to give my whole heart to Him. Thats the beauty of it all and thats worship. If it was a one time thing...to give Father my whole heart, would i still need Him like I do right now?

"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith..." Hebrews 10:22

"Now faith is the assurnace of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1

Faith is giving your whole heart to Father-- that is giving Him all of you...the core of who you are, what you want to be, your dreams, your pain, your fears, your love...

--In doing this you are not lost but found in Him--

im giving You all of me, i want to give all of me

I've found that its just too hard everyday to walk around with a heavy heart but Father wants the burden(s) that come along with giving Him our heart, He wants to carry them. He must carry them. He also put desires inside our heart and wants to work out all the details...He just wants us to seek Him. Freedom is found by giving your whole heart to Him. It's all about Him- if your heart is in his hands then the decisions you make will be from Him...from your heart...isn't that freeing?!?

What is expected of me and things of this world often fill my mind/heart, then an overwelming fear sets in...this is when i am found at the place of surrender and give my whole heart to Him once again, this is when i find peace. It's not a "recommitment" or "rededication" to Jesus...bc He is always commited and dedicated to me...it's a dying to self and letting Him invade every area...it's trading the world's expectations of me for His presence and living through Him...

find me here and speak to me-I want to feel you-I need to hear you-you are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace again- you are the strength that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting- you are the life to my soul- you are my purpose- you're everything- and how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you- would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
-Lifehouse

Alive

2006-01-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

Where do you feel most alive?

"Come to Me all ye who are tired/weary and I will give you rest."

The place of resting in the Lord, the place of doing what He created me to do, the place of being completely myself and not acting how I think I should or only saying "the right thing" but just being me-me in His presence,me in His day by day plan for my life, me in His peace,me in His rest,me in His freedom,me in His promises,me in His beauty, me in His grace...

--"the place" where I feel most alive is in His unconditional love--

I live in Him by loving Him and by showing that unconditional love
...simply the overflow of His love in our hearts can change the world.

"to be completely loved is to be completely known"
...He knew me, with all my flesh and weakness and chose to love me before the foundations of the earth...He created me and chose to make me in His own image...He died an undeserving death for me and chose to give me life...He has written out each day of my life and chose/longs for me to follow His lead...He just asks that I love Him in return and recieve His great love..His unconditional love for me...

"I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone"

"in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us...no things present or things to come, no powers, no height, no depth or anything else in all creation will be able to seperate us from the love of God..." Romans 8 :37-38

this is the picture of His unconditional love for us-- a love that can be seperated by nothing.
soak it up.
rest in it.
receive it.
give it.
breathe it.
dwell in it.
stay there, in His love.
freedom is there.
live in it.
you will be yourself.
you will be alive.

a living dream...

2006-01-02T23:32:00.000-08:00

Im sitting in an "internet cafe" AMSTERDAM airport awaiting my flight for Tanzania, AFRICA. Wow---im so tired....the last flight was 8 hours and the next flight is also 8 hrs but im gonna sleep!

I just want to stop right now and say, thank you Lord--Your word says that You will give us the desires of our heart if we TRUST you with everything we've got--Your word is the only word i can depend on Lord, Your word stands strong and your promises are fulfilled...I want to bring Your name and Your Word glory...

He put this dream to go to Africa when i was very little and i am in the midst of living it this very second and words cannot begin to express how excited i am...

ill have more in a couple of weeks when im back! Love you all!

almost there...

2005-12-10T21:54:00.000-08:00

Scattered thoughts, comments and other randomness:

had the longest date of my life today/tonight with a guy named Ralph Brown Draughon AKA the library. . .sat in the same chair for 8 hours (well besides when a.d.d. kicked in and i got to take a fun little trip to the bathroom..along with a few other library adverntures!)ps--special thanks to all who made my library stay more interesting...ahaha!
i love to watch people. . . to try and figure them out ya know? I find it fun and amuzing, especially since its finals week and the library is so packed. . .there are all kinds of fun ppl. to watch!
i have had shawn mcdonald's song "take my hand" stuck in my head all day. . .Your what i need and i need to be right by Your side cause i cannot hide, Lord i know that i need You . . .his whole cd is super good-
leave for Tanzania, AFRICA in less than a month now. . .i'm really excited, but I need alot of prayers. . .our team is working with the Mwika Hope Foundation (a ministry for widows and orphans). . .I am working with the orhpans and out of the 70 children and 36 of them are HIV positive. . .it breaks my heart to know that but it blesses me to know that God is using me to show Himself in a tangible way to these children. . .
one final down.....4 to go--d d d d dang! i gotta meeting in ATL tomm. for the trip so that will be a good long study break!
things that i'm looking forward to on tuesday when i'm home:pulling in the drive way, the smell of walking into my house, the huge hug from my mama everytime she see's me, running to the backyard to get jumped all over by my basset hound Minnie, laughing a ridiculous amount (about something nobody else would get) with my brother, "boy talk" with my 13 year old sister, the 5 minute drive to see my mimi and grandaddy, either a home cooked meal or japanese (we tend to eat one or the other-ha), then falling asleep in my own soft bed (the same one ive had my whole life) while looking up at the tacky glow in the dark stars i put on my ceiling a long time ago! I love being surrounded by people, family that know me better than anyone. . .have seen me at my best and worse. . . .but also choose to love me like crazy!
took a whole role of black and white pics today for Christy. . .it was alot of fun. . .hope they turn out good for her. . .i miss taking pics
well, its 1:30. . . and all this studying has worn me out. . .goodnight and sweetdreams! (or goodmorning, or it might be good afternoon for you, whatev...good something- ha)

Beauty for Ashes...

2005-11-16T20:30:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 61:3 ...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes
the oil of gladness instead of mourning
a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair

Psalm 63:3 ...Because Your love is better than life
my lips will glorify You
I will praise You as long as I live
and in Your name I will lift up my hands

...My soul will be satisfied as with the RICHEST of foods.

beauty for ashes
a garment of praise for my heaviness
beauty for ashes
take this heart of stone and make it Yours, Yours
i delight myself in the Richest of Fair
trading all that i've had for all that is better
a garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste
You're the richest of fair

Trade ALL that I have for All that is better? Surrender it all to Him... why? "Because His love is better than life..."

A garment of praise, for MY heaviness? Praise for my heaviness?... " to bestow a crown of beauty" on me instead of a crown of ashes...trading His joy for all my pain...the God of the universe wants to trade that with me?.....yes.

You are the greatest taste? "My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods".....Your the richest of fair God and my soul will be satisfied with You and You alone...

athens...

2005-11-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

guess what i should be doing? studying.....so i figured it was the perfect time to post!!!

Friday after class i rushed home to pack, take a shower and get ready for a wknd away! Christi and Hannah picked me up around 2 and we were off! It took awhile to actually get outta Auburn though bc eating is always a delima with us (how do u spell that?!?) We ended up driving through 2 places bc...well....we have different taste in fast foods. I think that im one of the few people in the world who would much rather have McDonalds over Chik fil a--anyday!!! After that we were really off! Friday night we stayed in M'ville GA (GC&SU) bc my two best friends live there and so do Christi's....plus its not too far from athens! I enjoy road trips--especially accompanied by good friends and good music! It wasn't long b4 we stuck Shanes in and all sang at the top of our lungs! We talked about our favorite Shane songs and got the voice parts dooown too...ha! My favorite song by Shane and Shane has always been "beauty for ashes"--i can't listen to the song without it speaking to me--everytime I love it..love it..love it!
Well what should have taken us 2 1/2 hours to get there ended up taking us 3-4 hours and we were all about go mad---luckily Zach has the entire map of the U.S. memorized so we called him a couple times and eventually got back on track--thank you Zach!!! LONG story short we got there, ate dinner and hung out for the night! Jennifer (whom i call RED) and Jessica are my 2 best friends that go to GC&SU--they are also sisiters! We have all been friends since...well birth actually....and i cannot even begin to think how boring my life would have been without them! LAUGHTER is something that always exsist when im around them.....we just know so much about each other and find certain things hilarious that other people might look over! We literally will lay on the floor and laugh for hours----tears running down our faces and our stomachs hurting bc we cant take a break from laughing to catch our breath! Loyalty is something else that so strong between us...a friend who is loyal means the world to me...somebody you know you can trust and know will stick up for you even when your not around!
I share so much with all these girls--we joke and cut up like CRAZY but know what binds us together is our deep love and passion for One who is greater and One who is more!

Saturday morning we headed off to Athens...on the way we talked about football(which was funny) and sang Auburn fight songs...haha..i wish we had a video of that-seriously!!! There was a line of traffic all heading towards Athens so we passed time by waving shakers out the window and hollerin at people who passed! We got there..went to see JD and his friends...and a bunch more of our crew from AU, then began tailgaiting! We went to a ferternity house (cant rem the name)...it was so cool...it was a huge/white old house...i love old houses! Zach and Chris picked us up later and took us to the Varsity (sorry Han) and then the rest of the day walked around till the game!
The game...the game was amazing!!! I got really nervous and had to not look a few times but never lost hope! Shelby, Zach and I were out numbered by "dawgs" but kept spirits high anyways:) I had a feeling we'd win and couldn't wait to hear all those Bulldogs finally hush up...they like to talk trash..haha! We left a couple of hours after the game and came back to Auburn. It was nice to be back in Auburn...that was my first real Athens experience and it was alot of fun but made me love where im at!!! Downtown Athens was real pretty..i liked it and i also like the ferternity houses too but there is just no other school like this one! Somethings just different about Auburn.

sunday..today..i slept alot bc we drove all night and began to study! I wish the wknd wasn't over bc this week is full of work and studying but after friday im off a week and get to go home for thanksgiving!

Home Sweet Home..

2005-11-04T03:01:00.000-08:00

My sleep schedule is so messed up....im wired now--but ill be tired all day tomm!

Do you ever just wanna go home? I have missed my family. I was supposed to come home tommorow afternoon but I just came on home tonight....didn't leave Auburn until around 11 or so....but i wasn't tired! I like driving at night...i think about alot--

One thing about being away from home is figuring things out ya know. I have learned so much.

I have learned to let Jesus be my home while i'm away--let Jesus be my comfort--let Jesus be the place where i feel safe & secure--let Jesus hear me cry when im upset--let Jesus laugh with me--let Jesus be the place where i rest--let Jesus, let Jesus be my HOME! I had never thought of Him as my "home" until i went to auburn, but it is now something i'm reminded of everyday.

Families change, people move out, people leave and never come back, hearts get shattered, brothers/sisters grow up, things happen in a home--unpredictable things that can make your "safe place" feel like its closing in on you........unless your Home is unshakable/// a Rock///unwavering///never changing........unless your home is Jesus!

2005-11-03T17:10:00.000-08:00

His beauty surrounds me!

this is all new...

2005-11-03T16:18:00.000-08:00

So, this is my first time ever having an "internet site"....i feel dorkie/kinda cool right now...haha...we'll see how long it last...i could become addicted...or this may be my one and only post...who knows?!?

I have alot of thoughts running through my head....i think if i tried to begin to write...i would skip around too much! Well....i really should be getting ready for Encounter now anyways so i'll write later...i always begin new things when i know i should be doing something else. Like when i need to clean my room- i take a nap...or when i need to study-i watch a movie....or when i need to get ready- i create a blog?!